I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
Randomize
