once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
Randomize
