tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
Sex in the backyard? Check.
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
Randomize
