im holly from the hills drunk
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
Randomize
