just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
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