The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
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