Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
Randomize
