you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
Randomize
