still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
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