idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
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