What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
Randomize
