Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
Randomize
