I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
Randomize
