As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
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