OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
Randomize
