Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
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