YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Randomize
