i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
Randomize
