Go to google and type XXX
.......Is that how you look for porn?
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
Randomize
