id be glad to
All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
Randomize
