even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
where does the pee come out of this thing
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Randomize
