Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
Randomize
