I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
Randomize
