All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
Randomize
