considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
yes he's amazing in bed. he made me like, black out. everything went black it was weird. so yes, i'd fuck him again. plus, he has every season of buffy on dvd
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
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