Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
Randomize
