the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
Randomize
