So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
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