if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
