ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
Randomize
