I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
I haven't been this sober since birth.
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
Randomize
