On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
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