I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
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