you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
God gave him joint rollers for hands
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
Randomize
