You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize
