I hate your face
apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
Randomize
