Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
I only kidnapped one of them. chill
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
Randomize
