I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
Porn is love you can see.
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
Randomize
