I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
Randomize
