I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
Randomize
