12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
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