Got a toothbrush?
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
I feel like death gave me a hand job
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Randomize
