i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
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