Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
