we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
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