I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
I'm passing your future prison.
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
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