Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
Randomize
