were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
Randomize
