He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
Randomize
