I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
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