I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
Randomize
