she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
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